


You're Not Broken To Me

by SymphonicFantasia



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amputation, IM TERRIBLE WITH WARNINGS AND IT'S JUST IN CASE, M/M, Mentions of past Shallura, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, SHEITH - Freeform, Shatt if you squint, Single Parent Shiro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 21:18:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9091177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SymphonicFantasia/pseuds/SymphonicFantasia
Summary: Because that was what Shiro was. He was broken and put together, but things did not fit right and haven’t since the explosion. He felt like a puzzle that was over 1000 pieces and was a picture of the sky and ocean. Numerous attempts had been made to try and piece the puzzle together, but all of them had failed.





	

_"I have a little sister back home.”_

_Shiro took a swig from his canteen. Family talk was always a tender topic. All around them were other soldiers who tried not to think about their families too much. They all had their reasons for not wanting to: families that had abandoned them, refusal to feel homesickness, etc. The list went on and Shiro had his own reasons._

_This was Matt, though, the man who saved his life. Shiro would listen to anything he had to say and let him talk his ear off._

_“What’s she like?” he asked._

_Matt chuckled at the question. “I don’t really know. She’s only two years old, but I can tell you one thing: she’s quizzical. I’ve never seen a kid interested in so many electronics and handy work than that one. Katie’s her name, but I call her Pigeon.” The smile on Matt’s face made Shiro feel warm. “Of course, she calls herself Pidge. She likes it better, for some reason.”_

_“Kids are strange.”_

_“Yeah, no kidding.”_

_“Who’s she staying with while you’re out here?”_

_The mood instantly darkened, which wasn’t Shiro’s intent. He was genuinely curious about where Matt’s sister was even though the obvious answer would be with his parents. Matt’s mood told him that it wasn't the case._

_“A family friend. Our parents died when she was only one in a car crash. I didn’t have much of a choice when I was drafted and they agreed to take her in until I returned.”_

_Shiro didn’t want to ask him what would happen if Matt didn’t return. Just the silence between his sentences was enough. He didn’t let himself think about the outcome._

_“You’ll get back to her.”_

_“Yeah…” Matt whispered, his words disappearing beneath the crackling of a fire. “Yeah, I will.”_

* * *

Even though that happened over a year ago, it felt strange how vivid the memory was when he slept.

Shiro always woke up before the sun, his biological clock telling him when to do so. Since the army, since the war, he was never been able to sleep past 5:30 AM. Even if he were to go out drinking, Shiro would still wake up at his usual time, hungover or not.

Not that Shiro _had_ the time to go out drinking, not with the new addition to his life.

 _Take care of my sister_ were the last words Matt had said to him before he died. Not “I’m scared” or “I’m sorry”. He wanted someone he trusted to take care of his sister and Shiro was the one he wanted.

Even though Shiro couldn’t even protect himself or his best friend. He may have lost his arm in the blast that had taken his life, but Pidge had lost so much more than him. Even if a chunk of his soul had been carved out at not being able to save the man who saved him. It didn’t take much convincing on his part to get Pidge under his care. The family seemed happy to oblige in handing her over to him. With a house of six kids, it made sense. They had more than they could handle without someone of Pidge’s age in their home.

His life runs on a routine now, another habit he couldn’t quite break since leaving the army:

-Wake up at 5:30 AM

-Morning exercises at 5:45 AM

-Shower at 6:45 AM

-Dress at 6:55 AM

Shiro always woke Pidge up at 7:05 AM. It always took Pidge a moment or two to wake up since she refused to be roused from her sleep. In these moments, he worked fast to wash her face and helped brush her teeth, something he knew she would give him a hard time with later tonight. By 7:30 AM, breakfast was already made and Allura would arrive to babysit Pidge while Shiro went off to work.

It was a routine that hadn’t changed and probably wouldn’t if he had any say about it. But routines tend to change and Shiro was quick to learn that on one particular day when he came home from work.

The moving van blocked his driveway and loomed over his small car. Shiro had no problem parking out on the street for a couple of hours. The prospect of new neighbors was what set him on edge. His eyes scanned the busy home as people walked in and out of it, carrying boxes and furniture. Looking back to his own home, he could see Allura’s blue eyes peeking through the see-through curtains, scanning the activity herself.

“How many are moving in?” Shiro asked the moment he was in the house. He could hear a TV playing in the living room, something that Pidge was watching, no doubt.

“It’s a bit hard to tell, but I assume three. They’ve brought in three different sized beds already,” Allura answered. She didn't to look at him.

Shiro joined her at the window and crossed his arms. Sure enough, he could see the various styles of bedroom sets leaving the moving van. “Parents and child?”

“Judging by how scratched up _that_ particular dresser is, it’s safe to assume yes.”

Allura was right. Shiro hadn’t seen furniture damaged that badly since he was a teenager. “Did they come over yet?”

Allura shook her head. “Surprisingly no. They haven’t greeted any of the other neighbors in the cul de sac yet. Perhaps they’re waiting for things to settle down first.”

“Maybe…” Other things were occupying Shiro’s mind at the moment. He didn't have the time to worry about new neighbors until they introduced themselves to him. “How’s Pidge? She’s been pretty quiet.”

A second passed and then two. “Ah! She has been awfully quiet…” Turning, she hurried to the living room, Shiro close behind her.

The living room was empty, something neither of them had expected. That’s when the panic started setting in. It was unlike Pidge to just disappear like that. She was always so loud, stomping around and announcing her arrival. Disappearing was _not_ something that she did.

“I’ll check upstairs!” Allura announced, hurrying to the stairs.

“I’ll check down here,” Shiro responded, trying to keep calm. It was harder than he made it appear. Various outcomes played in his head. He was near the front door and he would have seen her leave through there.

The closet, kitchen, and dryer (a place she somehow found her way in to take a nap) are all empty. Panic set further in, embedding itself in him just as much as his prosthesis was. Shiro stepped into the dining room, finding the sliding door to the backyard wide open. One look around the backyard told him that Pidge wasn’t there and he was ready to give up the search, hoping that she hadn’t found her way down to the basement.

“What are you doing all the way over here, huh?”

“My ball fell over here.”

That voice was all too familiar. Shiro could pick it out on the battlefield. He paid no mind to where he was headed other than to where he heard Pidge’s voice. Peering over the rosebush, there she was, holding out her hands for a ball someone was holding out to her.

“Pidge!”

She turned her head to him and held her arms out wide. “Shiro!”

Shiro hurried over to a fence that separated their yards, hopping over it. Pidge was quick to stand up and run over to him, jumping into his outstretched arms. “What’s gotten into you? You know better than to run off like that.” He looked towards the man holding Pidge's ball in his hand. “I’m sorry. She doesn’t usually do this…”

The man approached him, handing Pidge the ball. “It’s not a problem. Honestly, I don’t know how she found her way over here through the rosebush. Pretty impressive, I should say.”

“You make a good point…” Shiro chuckled. “Thank you for looking after her, though, and I’m sorry for the inconvenience. It won’t happen again.”

“Like I said, it’s not a problem,” he said once more. “See you around, Pidge.”

“Bye-bye!” Pidge shouted, waving towards him.

Shiro waved as well, climbing back over the fence. Allura was standing at the door, holding a hand to her chest. Instantly, she was cooing over Pidge, scooping her out of Shiro’s arms and holding her close. He never doubted that Allura cared for Pidge. They never had an accident like this before. Even with his spiked trust issues, Shiro trusted Allura the most to watch over her.

“Oh, Pidge! I can’t believe you did this to me,” Allura said, pressing her cheek against Pidge’s. “Shiro, you know I would have never allowed that to happen.”

“I know, Allura. One of the new neighbors seemed to have found her before anything bad happened,” Shiro muttered, raising his hand to rub Pidge’s back.

“That’s sweet of them.” Shiro followed Allura as she walked to the living room, setting Pidge down on the couch. “Since you’re here, I think it’s about time I told you before it becomes a last minute detail. My job is sending me off on a business trip for a month. You’ll need to find someone else to babysit Pidge for a while.”

 _Damn it_. Finding a babysitter was always hard for Pidge. Allura was his first choice only because he trusted her. He had known her from even before the war and their schedules worked out fine since he worked the day shift and she worked at night. To find someone else with that kind of schedule was like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

“I don’t suppose Coran can do it, can he?” Shiro asked

“His own schedule has him busy, I'm afraid.”

 _Shit_. Now Shiro was really screwed. “Allura--”

“I’ll help you find someone else for her. I still have two weeks before I go,” Allura explained. “That should be more than enough time to find a new babysitter. How hard could it be?” At Shiro’s thoughtful look, she set her face into a frown. “Shiro, I’m not following your list of strict demands. If I do, you’ll _never_ find a babysitter.”

And he knew that she was right.

_Damn it._

* * *

Allura warned him that this would happen, but Shiro wanted to believe that she wouldn’t do it. He wanted to believe that she would contain enough respect for him to not go behind his back and at least _show_ him the possible candidates. But when Allura showed him the only application from someone next door, Shiro knew that she did it and that the babysitter was already chosen.

“Keith Kogane.”

“That’s right. He’s one of your new next-door neighbors,” Allura explained.

Shiro licked at his teeth. “Is he even old enough to babysit someone?”

“Shiro, most teenagers start babysitting at young ages. However, he’s over 21.” Allura tapped at the paper in Shiro’s hand. “Remember when we said we thought it was a family of three that were moving in? It’s actually three college kids.”

That didn’t make them moving next door any better. While the new neighbors hadn’t done anything to gain Shiro's attention, he was still skeptical about them. Out of the three of them, Pidge and Allura were the only ones who met the. If their schedules conflicted, Shiro couldn’t tell.

“And you think he’s capable of taking care of Pidge.”

“I do,” Allura answered, even though he didn’t state it as a question. “I’m leaving in two days, Shiro. You can’t be picky about every babysitter I pick.”

“I’m starting to think you delayed picking someone on purpose,” he pointed out, fingers thrumming on his prosthesis.

Allura’s grin was all the answer he needed, even as she said, “I would never do that to _you_ , Shiro.”

“Of course not.”

“I think it’s fair to give you this warning: Keith will be starting tomorrow.”

Shiro gawked, his eyes wide. “So soon?”

“I have to _pack_ , Shiro. I don’t like waiting until the last minute.”

He frowned, tapping his foot on the floor. It was the only agitation Shiro allowed himself to show. “Why are you doing this to me? Isn’t it bad enough that you’re abandoning Pidge?”

“Guilt trips don’t work on me, Shiro.”

 _Damn_ , it was worth a try.

“You’ll be fine, Shiro. Keith will take good care of Pidge and you’ll get along with him.” Allura brushed the back of her hand against his cheek. “Just don’t stress yourself too much about it. If I trust him, you should, too.”

And Shiro knew she was right.

The next day, Shiro went about his usual schedule, taking care of himself and then waking Pidge up. He was serving her pancakes and a small bowl of oatmeal when the doorbell rang. He had gotten so used to Allura having a key that it startled him for a moment.

After kissing the top of Pidge’s head, he walked to the door. There was Keith, standing on the other side of the door. One look at his wristwatch told Shiro that he was on time. At least Allura told him well enough about the schedule he kept, but how desperate was he to fire Keith that Shiro had to _actually_ look for an excuse to get rid of him.

In the panic he had when he was looking for Pidge a while ago, he never took a good look at the one who found her. Black hair and purple eyes with bags under them made him seem normal. _Enough_. Shiro wondered how long that would last.

“Shiro, right?” Keith asked.

“Ah, yeah. And you’re Keith I assume.” At his nod, Shiro motioned for Keith to follow him. Shiro led him to the kitchen where Pidge had flawlessly tossed a pancake onto the wall. He blew a puff of air, moving his white forelock out of place. “Sorry about her--”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” Keith interrupted, already working on peeling the pancake off. It left a sticky residue in its place and Shiro bit back a groan at how hard it would be to clean it up. “Won’t you be late for work if you don’t leave now?”

Shiro blinked once, then twice. “I do… I’ll see you later then.” Hurrying to Pidge, he kissed the top of her head. “I’ll see you later, Pidgeon.”

“Bye-bye, Shiro.”

One quick nod to Keith and Shiro was out the door, wondering just how well today would go for Pidge and Keith.

It was on his mind all day as Shiro worked, pushing papers around and filing things away. The job was simple enough and it paid well. When he returned from the war, he was lucky that he had gotten a job in the first place. It helped that Shiro was in college before he was drafted, majoring in astronautical engineering. It wasn’t doing what he studied for, but a job was a job.

However, no matter how much work they had given him, Shiro kept thinking about home and what may be going wrong.

Shiro could only guess that it was a miracle at work that made him survive the day. Arriving home, he took long strides to his house and let himself in. Everything seemed quiet other than the sounds of the TV. One peek in the living room and he could see that things were normal. Keith was on the couch and Pidge was sitting, surprisingly calm, in his lap. The house was in one piece and nothing was a mess. Keith had done a good job, as much as he could see.

“Shiro! Welcome home!” Pidge hopped off Keith’s lap and the sound of her running to him made Shiro smile. She jumped and he caught her in his arms.

“I’m home, Pidge.” Keith walked over to him with a fond smile on his face. “I hope she wasn’t too much trouble for you. Pidge can be quite difficult with strangers.”

“She wasn’t a problem, actually,” Keith assured. He reached up and tickled under Pidge’s chin, making her giggle. “We had a lot of fun. Even told me a _lot_ about you.”

Shiro didn’t want to admit that he went red at the thought. Pidge was at that age where children were talkative. They talked about anything for hours at a time, even if it didn’t make any sense. Then there were those rare times when what they were saying made a _lot_ of sense and had a great chance at being true. Whatever Pidge had told Keith, Shiro wasn’t sure if he was ready to find out.

“Oh? Like what?” Shiro found himself asking. It was a childlike curiosity he had adopted for Pidge’s sake.

“That she’s _really_ fond of you and that you’re nice to her,” Keith answered. His smile never wavered from its fondness.

It took a moment for Shiro to realize that he was holding his breath. He hoped that no one had noticed, but he could feel their eyes on him.

“I should get going. Same time tomorrow?” Keith asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Sounds about right. Have a good night, Keith,” Shiro said.

“Don’t mention it. See you tomorrow, Pidge.”

“Bye-bye, Keith,” Pidge said, waving her hand.

Shiro went to walk Keith to the door, but he gestured towards him to stay. If this was going to happen every time Keith babysat, Shiro would have to get used to it. He even walked Allura to the door when she left and they’ve been friends for a long time.

The door quietly clicked shut and Shiro fell back on the couch with a heavy sigh, resting his head back against it. The stress of the work day covered him like a blanket. Pidge’s constant movement in his lap was the only thing keeping him on the borderline of consciousness.

Raising his head, he smiled tiredly at Pidge. “How do you like Keith as your new babysitter, Pidge?”

She smiled, turning so that she was facing him better. “I like him a lot, Shiro.”

He rubbed her back. “I’m glad you do. Let’s get you a bath.”

* * *

Two weeks sped by without Shiro realizing it. The two weeks weren’t painful as he had predicted to Allura before she left. Keith arrived promptly and on time and didn’t linger for long when Shiro got home. He talked to Pidge for a few moments, told Shiro about the day they had and if there were any complications, and then he would head home.

It was only during payday that Keith lingered behind at Shiro’s request. These moments were filled with information thanks to Pidge asking him questions. Shiro tired not to wonder why she asked questions only on Fridays when she could have done it any time of the week.

Keith was a student at the local university studying a major just as intense as Shiro’s when he was in school. He took night classes, leaving his day free to babysit Pidge. Keith’s father was the reason that his roommates and himself were able to afford the house next door. Thace was well known city official, making it clear that Keith was well off.

Shiro assumed that Keith babysat for a bit of chump change or a piece of independence. He knew better than to ask questions involving that. It would be too disrespectful.

“Thanks again for babysitting her this week,” Shiro said, handing Keith a written check.

“You don’t have to thank me for it every time, Shiro,” Keith reminded him. “Like I said, I don’t mind babysitting Pidge. She’s a delight.” He knelt as Pidge ran up to him. He held her close as she laughed and giggled. “I’ll see you on Monday, alright, Pidge?”

Pidge pushed away from him, pouting. “You said you would eat dinner with me!”

“Is that so?” Shiro asked with a smile. This was the first he’s heard of this.

He’d be lying if the blush on Keith’s face wasn’t charming. “Pidge, I said that we’d have to ask Shiro if it’d be okay.”

Pidge didn’t hesitate to cling to Shiro, tugging at his pants leg. “Shiro, can Keith stay for dinner, please?”

It was the look that did him in. No matter what Pidge wanted, Shiro couldn’t say no to her. He tried _once_ and he crumbled under her big eyed gaze like his bones were brittle. The only one he knew who could survive the look was Allura and she wasn’t here to keep him from falling under her spell.

“Keith can stay for dinner if he wants to,” Shiro said as he succumbed, a soft sigh escaping him.

“I can just lea--” Keith started

“Shiro said you can stay!” Pidge ran back to Keith and climbed into his arms. “He’s a good cook. You’ll like it.”

“Pidge, don’t get his hopes up.” Because Shiro was actually a mediocre cook. It was a miracle he could cook _anything_ now since he could only burn toast before he was drafted. Allura was the one who prepared meals for them often and Shiro was hoping that there were some meals frozen for them in the freezer. It’d be better than what he could cook.

Shiro walked to the kitchen and opened the freezer door. Nothing. Just slabs of meat that he hadn’t defrosted yet. He pulled his bottom lip in between his lip and chewed on it. It wasn’t like he was trying to _impress_ Keith, but he didn’t want him--or anyone, really--thinking that he couldn’t take care of Pidge just by the way he cooked. God knew it had happened before and he was quick to tell them off, because cooking was only a small bit of what a caretaker could do for a child.

A light bulb went off in Shiro’s head and things were clearer. If there was one thing he could cook it was breakfast. It wasn’t often that they ate breakfast for dinner, but it was better than serving Keith something that will be tough and crispy. And likely to make him sick.

“Hey, Pidge,” Shiro said, smiling as the two of them walked in, “how do you feel about having brinner tonight?”

Pidge’s face lit up and Shiro’s heart melted. There were some things she did that reminded him too much of Matt. It was a painful stab in his heart, but it was dulled by how adorable she was. “Yes!” Pidge shouted out.

“Breakfast for dinner?” Keith asked, laughing.

“Let’s call it a special treat for a special guest.”

Keith tucked a piece of hair behind his ear. “I’m honored, then.”

It was ten minutes into cooking a stack of pancakes when Shiro realized something was off. He turned to Keith, who had been helping him cook bacon in another frying pan. “I nearly forgot. Don’t you have class today?”

“I’m usually off on Fridays so it’s not a big deal that I’m here,” Keith answered. “Besides, all I have to go home to is Hunk’s cooking and Lance annoying my ears off.”

Shiro chuckled. “Your housemates? I haven’t met them yet. It’s a shame.”

“You’ll regret saying that. Hunk is okay, but Lance can get a bit grating on your nerves.”

“We’ll have to see, won’t we? You should tell them to come by and be neighborly. Pidge would love to see them, I’m sure,” Shiro said.

Keith scoffed. “I’ll tell them you said that, then. They don’t have classes tomorrow so they’ll most likely come by then. I won’t be able to protect you from them, though. You’re on your own with that one.”

Shiro looked over his shoulder and watched as Pidge sat in her seat, slamming her hands down on the table. “I raised Pidge for a year. Whatever they can throw at me, I think I can handle it.”

“We’ll see.”

Keith did nothing more than hum and continued to help Shiro cook.

French toast, pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs later, they were at the table. Pidge actively talked, explaining about her day and what kind of bugs she found in the backyard. Shiro listened eagerly and so did Keith, even though he was the one who followed her around all day. Pidge talked on and on and they never lost interest in what she had to say.

It was almost eight when Pidge was finally tired, slumping forward in her seat. Shiro wiped her face down, avoiding her hand as she tried to push him away. He scooped her up in his arms and followed Keith to the door.

“I’m sorry we took up most of your time. Pidge is really fond of you, though,” Shiro said, smiling at him.

“It’s fine. I’m fond of Pidge, too. She reminds me of the time I’ve babysat other foster kids. Some were sweet and some were troublemakers.” Keith smiled. “But she’s a good mix. I like it.”

Foster children? Shiro had no time to question him about it. Keith was already out the door, saying goodbye and closing it behind him. Pidge yawned and rubbed at her eyes, bringing Shiro’s attention back to her.

“Alright, Pidge. Let’s get you to bed,” Shiro muttered into her hair.

* * *

_Fire was everywhere as Shiro ran between buildings. Debris was falling from the sky. In the far off distance, he could hear distant screams and guns firing._

_“Come on!” Shiro shouted behind him. “We’re almost at the rendezvous point!”_

_Matt was struggling to keep up but he was doing his best. He had his gun aimed, protecting their back. The situation was more severe than either of them had expected. The enemy was already there, a trap laid out for them. Separating them was easier than it should have been and Shiro couldn’t shake some troubling thoughts. The idea that someone on their side was leaking information made his blood grow cold and he tried not to think about it._

_When they regrouped, they could talk about it._

_Reaching a fork in the road, Shiro looked around for enemy soldiers. They were in the clear. They were safe now. But for how long?_

_“Shiro, look out!”_

_Matt attached himself to Shiro’s back as he fumbled forward. Bullets zipped over their heads, dangerously close to where their vital organs were at one point. Grabbing Matt by his collar, Shiro hurried behind a barricade, ducking down low. Shiro looked over it, finding five enemy soldiers aiming their guns, waiting for them._

_“We can’t take them out alone…” Shiro muttered. Checking his bullets, he took aim. One shot and one soldier was down. “Matt, go on ahead. I’ll do what I can to keep them from going after you.”_

_“I’m not leaving you!”_

_Shiro cursed under his breath as Matt took aim and started to fire. It felt like a losing battle as bullets zoomed past them, hitting the wall. Often, they would find themselves ducking for cover as their enemies took open fire. They couldn’t stay here for long and Shiro knew this._

_“We have to move!” Shiro urged, pushing Matt down an alley._

_“There’s only three left, Shiro. We can take them,” Matt assured, digging his heels into the ground._

_“Backup is probably on their way and we can’t keep wasting ammo like this, Matt. So, let’s go.”_

_Matt pouted but listened as Shiro pushed him to run._

_Their lungs burned as they continued to run, ducking and dodging through different streets to throw the enemy off. When they stopped, they hoped that they were safe now. The fire was still burning hot all around them and buildings were collapsing from the heat. It was dangerous, but they took a brief moment to take off their helmets and wipe the sweat of their foreheads._

_“We’re safe now, I think…” Shiro muttered, running his fingers through his hair. Looking to Matt, he frowned. He had been looking around for three minutes now. It was a little unnerving. “Matt, what’s--”_

_“Get down!” Matt shouted._

_It all happened in the span of minutes._

_The explosion and Matt tackling him down too late._

_It was the pain Shiro felt next, how it made his head throb and his arm--_

_Shiro couldn’t feel his right arm. He couldn’t feel it as he tried to clench his hand into a fist. But he could see how badly damaged it was, see the shrapnel stabbing into his arm, bone breaking through the skin. This couldn’t be happening but it was._

_Where was Matt, though?_

_Where was Matt?!_

_It was a struggle to get up on his hand and knees. Shiro’s ears were still ringing and he hoped it was the reason why he couldn’t hear Matt yelling for him. The hard truth punched Shiro in the stomach and made him heave. War meant that it was natural to see your friends die, sometimes in your arms, but that didn’t soften the blow. It didn’t soften the blow as he crawled towards Matt’s broken body, larger shards of shrapnel either embedded in his body or pinning his limbs down._

_“Matt!”_

_“Shi… ro…”_

 

Shiro woke up in a cold sweat, staring up at the ceiling. The dream had been coming more often lately. The end results were always the same: Shiro waking up and staying up all night. He was grateful that he didn’t have work today and that Pidge usually slept in late on the weekends. If he was lucky, he could grab a quick nap before she woke up.

Sleep had escaped him, though, and it had no plans on returning to him tonight.

He rose from bed and padded out of his room and to Pidge’s. It was a habit that happened whenever he woke up from that particular dream. Shiro quietly opened Pidge’s door. She was sleeping quietly in her bed, a triangle shaped robot that Allura made her was clutched in the crook of her arm. It was scary to see so much of Matt in her. If Mat were to see her now, Shiro knew that he would be proud of her.

Leaving her to rest, Shiro walked downstairs and to the backyard. The cool night air felt good to his heated and sweaty flesh. The moon brightened up the yard, shining beams of moonlight on the flowers and shrubbery planted there. Shiro saw movement from the corner of his eye, drawing his attention. He hadn’t expected to see Keith so soon. He was smoking a cigarette, blowing smoke up into the air.

Keith noticed him and waved.

Shiro ran his fingers through his hair, white locks brushing back into his eyes. He walked over to the fence separating them, Keith mirroring the movement. Keith leaned on the fence, analyzing him with critical eyes.

“What are you still doing up?” he asked. Keith’s mindful of the smoke, blowing it away from Shiro.

“Bad dream…” Shiro answered. “You?”

Keith shrugged his shoulders. “I have a paper due on Monday, but I’m taking a smoke break. Hunk’s not a fan of it in the house and he considers me sticking my head out the window as _still_ smoking inside.”

Shiro smiled. “He’s right. It’s easier for it to trail back into the house.”

“I guess.” Keith took a drag of his cigarette and made a noise. “Oh, and don’t worry about this. I’d never think about smoking while I’m babysitting Pidge.”

It was embarrassing on how the thought had never crossed Shiro’s mind. He blamed it on the dream, but it was good to know. “Thanks for telling me. I appreciate the honesty. I take it that you aren’t too addicted then?”

“It takes the edge off of the stress of school,” Keith answered, smiling. He finished the cigarette, putting it out on the metal rod beneath his arms.

The question dropped from his lips before Shiro had a chance to stop it. “You mentioned that you babysat foster children.”

“What about it?” Keith asked

“What did you mean by it?”

Keith eyed him up and down, taking him in. Shiro wasn’t sure what he saw in his eyes, but it was gone quickly. “I’m adopted. Thace isn’t my real father and I’ve been through many different foster homes.”

Shiro was sorry that he even asked. It was his compulsions fault that brought the question out, something to distract him from the dream he woke up from.

“Since you asked me a question, can I ask about your arm?” Keith asked, motioning to it with a nudge of his head.

Shiro looked at his metal hand, clenching it into a fist. “What is it you want to know?”

“Do you feel anything with it?” Keith held out his hand and Shiro knew what he wanted. Shiro raised his hand and placed it in Keith’s, allowing him to run his hand up and down it. Sometimes he would press his fingers down hard before continuing a light stroke. “Can you feel what I’m doing right now or when you’re doing daily things?”

Clenching his fist made Keith flinch and Shiro wasn’t sure if it was because of the action or the mechanical sound it gave off whenever he moved it. “Somewhat. It’s like I’m wearing two pairs of medical gloves on my hand and arm. I can feel things, but it’s not always the best. Pidge likes playing around with it, at least.”

Keith smiled. His fingers danced along his closed fingers and Shiro opened them. It was a tickling sensation as Keith traced the delicate parts. “It’s interesting and you get along well with it.”

“It’s not a choice.”

“I know it’s not.” Taking his hand back, Keith moved hair out of his eyes. “I should head back and get this paper done. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Shiro nodded his head, hoping that he didn’t seem too enthusiastic. He stepped slowly backwards until Keith was back in his own house. For some reason, he found that he could finally get back to sleep.

* * *

A month flashed by and Allura was back home. The moment she visited the house, Shiro and Pidge ushered her out of the house for lunch. It was good to see her again and Pidge didn’t wait to tell her everything that happened when she was away. Shiro felt a little more whole now that Allura was back in town.

“It sounds like you two had a good time.” Allura smiled, bringing her teacup up to her lips. “I’m glad Keith worked out well. I had a feeling he would.”

“I like having Keith watch me,” Pidge said with a big smile on her face. “He’s a lot of fun! Can he keep watching me, Shiro? Can he?”

There was nothing that Shiro wanted more, to be honest. In the few weeks he had known Keith, it was strange to see how close they had become. Keith often slipped over to his house to escape from Lance’s loud noises. He studied and did his homework, despite Pidge interrupting him to show off a new bug she found or something she put together. Shiro told Keith that his own room would have been quieter, but he assured them that it was all fine.

There are times when Keith came over with dinner from Hunk, sharing it with the two of them and staying behind afterward. These were all on days where Keith didn’t have school or tests coming up. His company was welcomed by not just Pidge alone. Shiro _liked_ having him around and wished to see him more often.

“You’ll have to ask Auntie Allura if she doesn’t mind,” Shiro finally answered her.

Pidge turned her attention back to Allura, giving her that look that made Shiro weak. He knew that it wouldn’t work on her, but he wanted it to. He _hoped_ that it did because he wanted Keith to appear at his house Monday through Friday. Shiro wondered when that started to happen.

“Do you mind, Auntie Allura? Huh? Huh?” Pidge asked, hopping in her seat.

Allura’s eyes wandered to Shiro and he could feel it. He could feel as she read everything about him. Shiro felt exposed under her gaze and he looked away from her. There was no sense hiding it from her. Allura would find it even if he kept it under lock and key.

“I don’t mind,” Allura answered. “Just be sure to be nice to him, okay?”

“Yay!” Pidge said, clapping her hands together.

Lunch finished and they walked around the shopping district. Pidge was happily walking between them, clasping Allura’s and Shiro’s hand in hers. It was a sweet family moment, swinging her over the curbs as they crossed streets. From anyone who didn’t know them, they would have assumed they were a typical family. Perhaps others were smiling at them, thinking about how adorable they looked together.

From a distance, there was a flash of a mullet and Shiro knew _exactly_ who it belonged to before he even saw him. From what he could tell, no one else in the city had a hairstyle like that. When Shiro did see him, his heart throbbed in his chest.

Keith ducked through the crowd, bags in his hands. It took him a few moments to see Shiro and Pidge, and time passed in slow motion when he did. An emotion crossed over his face but it was gone before Shiro could pinpoint what it is.

“Keith!” Pidge shouted, jumping up and down.

Smiling, Keith bent over and messed with Pidge’s hair. “Hey there, buddy. Shiro.”

“Keith,” Shiro greeted with a smile.

Allura laughed. “I heard many good things about you from Pidge. She just adores you.”

“I feel the same way,” Keith said, giving Pidge’s hair an extra ruffle.

“Since you’re here, it’s a better time as ever to tell you: Pidge would like it if you remained as her permanent babysitter,” Shiro said.

Keith stared at him with a bewildered stare. It was gone quickly, though, and he looked disappointed. “Actually, I’m going to have to pull out of it for a while. Some… tests are coming up that I need to study for and it’ll take me awhile before I’m ready to start babysitting again.”

Shiro wasn’t the only one who was disappointed. Allura was better at hiding it, but Pidge? She already had fat tears welling up in her eyes, ready to spill down her cheeks at any moment. It would take hours for Shiro to console her.

“We understand. Your schoolwork is more important,” Shiro said. “Right, Katie?”

“But…” Pidge sobbed, tears rolling down her cheeks. It tore Shiro’s heart into two to see her like this.

Keith messed with her hair again. “I know, Pidge. I’m going to miss watching you but it’ll only be for a while.”

“Promise?” Pidge asked.

“I promise.” Keith straightened himself out. “I’ll see you two around.”

Shiro waved as Keith left them, disappearing into the crowd. Allura reached with her free hand and rubbed Shiro’s arm. He wasn’t sure if she knew exactly what he was feeling--and Shiro wasn’t sure if he understood what he was feeling himself--but it was comforting. Pidge was the one who needed it more than he did. She was still crying, sniffling and hiccuping. He was grateful that Allura was back since he wasn’t sure he could comfort her alone.

It took a few days for Shiro to realize that maybe Keith lied to him. The only thing that tipped him off was the parties that Hunk and Lance seemed to be hosting. He didn’t wake up because of the music and he was glad that it didn’t wake Pidge up, either. Shiro saw the activity when he stepped outside after his nightmares.

What really tipped him off was when Hunk came over to deliver a plate of apology food and answered his question about Keith and his tests.

Hunk was confused when he asked and promptly told him that Keith’s exams ended a while ago. That tip was enough for Shiro to know that something was off.

Shiro spent more time than he cared to admit thinking about Keith’s distance with him. He knew that he wasn’t avoiding him entirely. For reasons he couldn’t figure out, Pidge often escaped not only Allura’s watch but his own to crawl under the rose bush and see Keith. Either she knew his smoking schedule and planned it or it was sheer dumb luck that she ventured out there at the same time.

Keith at least said “hi” to Shiro and indulged in small talk, but that was all he did before escaping into the house. Yes, escaping, because that is what Shiro felt that Keith was doing.

Allura told him that he’s overreacting.

“He’s probably just busy,” she would say.

“That’s not what it feels like, Allura. Something’s off,” Shiro would respond.

And he couldn’t _stop_ thinking about that but at least he wasn’t alone. Pidge often voiced her own concerns late at night when she couldn’t sleep. There was nothing Shiro could say to comfort her, no words that would calm her fears that Keith wasn’t upset at her or didn’t like her.

Because in a way, Shiro felt like it was _his_ fault and his alone. Therefore, it was his fault that Pidge was feeling this way and he couldn’t forgive himself.

Those days became weeks and the colder months came forth until the holidays were swiftly approaching.

Allura was still babysitting Pidge and Keith was still avoiding him. The parties at the house next door had stopped and it became as quiet as the day the previous family had moved out. He still saw Keith outside smoking, but he never ventured close to him. They nodded to one another and Shiro went back inside before Keith.

It was a painful feeling in his chest whenever he saw Keith and did nothing about it. Shiro felt helpless that there was nothing he could do to fix it. After all, how could fix something if he didn’t know what he had done wrong?

Shiro wouldn’t compare it to how he felt when he lost Matt. The only thing that could rival that was if he lost Pidge. It came pretty damn close to it, though, and it was hard to pinpoint why. Or more like it was because he didn’t _want_ to acknowledge why.

And Shiro would continue not to.

His next interaction with Keith happened in the middle of March. Pidge was clinging to Shiro’s neck as he carried her down the street. Allura’s plan to tire her out at the park had worked splendidly. Pidge was barely able to keep her eyes open.

“I don’t know how you do it, Allura…” Shiro whispered, hand rubbing up and down Pidge’s back.

“It’s a gift,” Allura answered, smiling. “Oh, there’s Hunk and Lance. And is that Keith, too?”

Shiro faltered in his step and it was only Pidge waking up that forced him to continue walking. She squirmed in his arms and hopped down, scaring both him and Allura. Pidge dodged all hands that try to grab her, even Lance and Hunk. Shiro couldn’t believe it. She was deep asleep just a few minutes ago! Despite that, Pidge continued running until she could climb into Keith’s arms.

“Keith, guess what! My birthday is coming up!” Pidge happily announced, her chubby arms wrapped around Keith’s neck.

“Is that so?” Keith asked, smiling at her. “How old will you be? One or two?”

She pouted. “No way! I’m turning five. You know that.”

Keith laughed. “Yeah, I know.”

“You’ll come to my birthday party, right? Hunk and Lance, too?” Pidge asked.

Shiro swallowed around the lump in his throat when Keith looked at him. He didn’t say anything to them. They just stared at each other. Everyone and everything else disappeared and it was just them, wanting to say everything but they remained silent.

“Only if it’s okay with Shiro,” Keith finally answered as he looked to Pidge.

Shiro didn’t have a chance to reply before Allura spoke. “Absolutely. You three are all invited to her birthday party. It’ll be fun to have you with us.”

“We’ll see you there, then!” Lance announced. He reached up to pinched at Pidge’s cheeks, getting his hand swatted away. Out of the three of them, Pidge wasn’t a fan of Lance teasing her the most. Shiro couldn’t say that she hated him, but he wasn’t her favorite.

“I’ll bake the cake if you don’t mind, Shiro,” Hunk said, picking up the table he had just dropped.

“O-oh, Hunk, no. You don’t have to do that,” Shiro said quickly.

“Nonsense! It’ll be my pleasure to make this little girl something sweet,” Hunk assured.

“Well… thank you, Hunk. I appreciate it.” Stepping forward, he scooped Pidge back into his arms. "I’ll see you there, then,” Shiro said it more to Keith than Lance and Hunk. If everyone could see it, he found that he didn’t care.

“Right. See you then,” Keith said without missing a beat.

Allura was close behind him as he continued to walk to his house. Shiro could see her mind working, see the way her eyes lit up and her smile grew. It was a look he had seen often and the results had a 50/50 chance of _not_ being in his own favor.

“What are you planning, Allura?” Shiro whispered.

“You’ll find out.”

* * *

Kids were everywhere in the house.

Friends of Pidge that she had made from various playdates that Shiro arranged. Pidge’s only friends couldn’t just be Shiro and Allura or even the boys next door. However, all of them together in one place made it feel like a warzone. Despite the stark difference, Shiro knows that this felt much worse. It was only thanks to the other parents and Allura that he was keeping his cool.

And also the fact that Keith was here. Shiro covered it up well by being amazed by the type of cake Hunk brought over.

It was a triple layer cake decked out in green frosting with purple roses. Pidge’s name and “Happy Birthday” were written elegantly on the top, but that wasn’t the amazing part.

“Allergy and gluten-free cakes are _usually_ pretty expensive,” Shiro commented, staring at the cake that was the only decorative piece on the kitchen island.

Hunk beamed with pride. “So are the ingredients, but I figured for Pidge’s big day, it was worth the cost.”

“I must say that I’m impressed,” Allura commented. Her camera had been out for a while, taking pictures of the day's events and of the cake. Shiro didn’t think she had a moment rest from the moment the party started.

“Thanks,” Hunk replied, pink spreading across his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

Shiro could see Keith walk past with Pidge from the corner of his eye. Pidge had dragged him along, proudly proclaiming about her “awesome babysitter” to her playmates. Other words were falling from her mouth, wowing those who were listening to her. He could hear other parents asking him about a babysitting business. Shiro didn’t get the chance to hear his answer when Lance cried out for help from underneath of what Shiro could only assume is a vicious pile of children.

The day continued on with little problems--Lance complained about how his little siblings loved him and that these kids should have, too, was _not_ one of them. Shiro did his party host duty and made sure the other kids (Pidge included) were hyped up on sugar before going home.

Cleanup was the next thing on the list while Pidge went into a sugar coma in her pile of presents. Wrapping paper and decorations were taken and put in large garbage bags. Shiro insisted that neither of them had to stay to help clean up, but they all insist in one bigger voice that they must. Hunk stayed in charge of putting the leftovers away while Lance and Keith worked on bringing down the stringed lights.

Everything was almost done and put away in bags when Allura and the boys decided to leave.

“Don’t worry about me,” Shiro claimed, narrowing his eyes at Allura in particular. He knew that she knew what she was doing. “I can just carry fifteen bags of trash to the curb myself.”

Allura smiled a smile that Shiro had learned to associate with pure evil. “Keith’s still here. He can help you. He’s in the backyard taking a smoke break.”

She was gone before he could stop her, his hand outstretched towards the closing door. He knew for a fact that Allura was pushing Lance and Hunk along to hurry them down his walkway. Shiro knew he was set up and he should have seen it coming. He should have seen it coming when Allura invited them all to the birthday party. She was a crafty woman and Shiro had to at least give her props for doing it.

It was the perfect setup for them to _finally_ talk and, while it wasn’t on Shiro’s terms, it was something.

Shiro took a deep breath and made his way to the backyard. The cold air had a bite to it when he stepped out, but he didn’t let it bother him. He had been through worse than this. Keith was leaning on the fence, a lit cigarette between his lips as he gazed up at the moon. It did look more beautiful tonight than it ever had before. When Keith acknowledged him, they nodded to each other.

“Hunk and Lance already went home. So did Allura,” Shiro admitted. There was no sense in lying to him. What he didn’t tell him was that Allura planned this. Keith didn’t need to know that part.

Keith looked at him to the house next door that was still dark. Taking the cigarette from his lips, he blew smoke towards it. “That must mean the cleaning’s gone. I’ll get out of your hair--”

“You’re avoiding me.”

Keith flinched from the comment. Shiro said nothing else, though, only staring at him as Keith looked at nothing in particular. To say the situation felt awkward wasn’t the whole truth. It was and it wasn’t. Shiro was just glad that he was able to hit the nail on the head. He just wanted something to relieve the tension a bit, something that will distract both of them from the truth.

Shiro ran his fingers through his hair, his bionic arm gleaming in the moonlight. The distraction he thought of has never been more obvious.

“I lost my arm around the same time I lost Pidge’s brother,” Shiro admitted

Keith looked at him and things felt right in the world.

“You remember the war from two years ago?” At Keith’s nod, Shiro continued, “I was fresh out of college when I was drafted. When you first go in, you think 'yeah, I’m going to be making a difference', but things change quickly. Your mind goes dark from all the bloodshed and death you see all around you. Pull a trigger and it could hit anyone; your team, the enemy.”

Shiro shut his eyes tightly before opening them again. “Even an innocent bystander. Whatever innocence you had when you first went in with is dead, buried in unsuitable graves for your comrades.

“Fighting in a war, you get attached to the people you’re shipped out with. You can’t help it. These men are working on saving not only their lives but your own. I still remember, fresh in my mind, holding Commander Iverson in my arms as he died.”

Shiro noticed Keith stepping closer to him, the cigarette burned out between his fingers. “That’s when I met Matt. It’s my own fault, really. I took a moment I didn’t _have_ to grieve over a man in the middle of a warzone, bullets flying over my head and past me. Matt tackled me to the ground and covered me from debris that a grenade blew apart. He pulled and pushed me off the field until we got to safety and another grenade hit right where I was at moments before.

“From that moment on, we were inseparable,” Shiro said, his voice growing soft. “I always thought we were a good team. Matt’s speed and sheer luck to know when a bomb was going to go off combined with my brute strength and aim kept us alive.”

He shut his eyes. It hurt so much still. Shiro came to terms with losing his arm quicker than coming to terms with losing Matt.

“We got to a town and it was hell from the moment we stepped in it. Our team split apart, fire everywhere. We were just trying to get to the rendezvous point, trying to get the others and gather up a plan when it happened.”

Keith touched his face and he stopped. Shiro’s cheeks felt damp and he didn't know when he started crying. Keith brushed his cheeks with the back of his hand, wiping away whatever tears that had sprung forth.

“Ah, sorry. I’m still emotional, I suppose…” Shiro muttered.

“No need to apologize,” Keith whispered.

Keith’s thumb brushed over Shiro’s lips and he pulled his hand back. Electricity went through Shiro from the touch. He grabbed Keith’s hand, holding it in his. Seconds passed like this, Shiro holding his hand until Keith took hold of his wrist. It was not a threatening grip--it was just there, the touch tender and gentle.

“Sorry I avoided you,” Keith said, gaze finally looking away from Shiro. “You just looked so… happy with Allura and Pidge. My thoughts went bad _real_ fast.”

It took Shiro a few seconds for it to hit him. When it did, his jaw dropped and his eyes grew wide. Keith didn’t… He _did_. If this moment weren’t so fragile, Shiro would laugh. He’d laugh in Keith’s face and hurt his feelings.

“Allura and I aren’t dating and we haven’t in _years_.” Shiro smiled at Keith’s flushed face. “She’s the only one I trust besides you to watch over Pidge. Until you moved next door, she’s babysat her while I was at work.”

Keith groaned and closed his eyes. “I’m an idiot.”

“No, you’re not,” Shiro assured. He reached up and cupped Keith’s face. “You really aren’t. Anyone who would have seen us walking together would have come to the same conclusion.”

Biting his lip, an action that had Shiro’s breath hitching, Keith opened his eyes. “Then can I be a bit forward and ask you something.”

His heart was beating unnaturally fast that he feared it would burst out of his chest and into Keith’s hands. In a sick sort of way, Shiro wanted it to. It had been a long time since he felt like this. First, it was with Allura and then it was with Matt.

Shiro licked his dry lips. “Y-yeah.”

“Go out to dinner with me tomorrow night.”

The answer was out without much thought, “Sure.”

Keith smiled at him, nuzzling into his palm. They said goodbye and stepped away from each other. Shiro waited until Keith was back in his own house. He forgot all about the fifteen bags of garbage he had to bring outside. It took five full minutes before Shiro realized what had happened.

He was lightning quick as he reached for his phone and called Allura.

“Allura, I need your help.”

* * *

“Stop panicking.”

“That’s like telling rice to stop being white.”

“Shiro, what the hell?”

Shiro ran his hands through his hair, messing up the style that Allura had put it in. It didn’t look good on him, anyway. “I’m nervous, okay? Leave me be.”

Pidge had remained perched on the toilet seat, playing with her Crayola Mess-Free Touch Light. She looked up at them, grinning from ear to ear. “I like Keith a lot, Shiro. Are you going to date him a lot, too?”

This innocent question had Shiro turning red and Allura laughed. How did things come to this, he didn’t know. Yet here he was, waiting for Keith to stroll over to his house so that they could go out on what is clearly a date. Keith didn’t use those exact words, but if it was obvious to a five-year-old, then it was a date.

“I don’t know... Maybe?” Shiro said. He really wasn’t sure how things would end tonight.

Allura fixed his hair until it was close to being tame again. “Let’s see how the first date goes first, Pidge. Do you want to stay up until he gets home?”

“Yeah! Can we watch cool robot movies?” Pidge asked, standing on the toilet lid.

“Why not?”

_“Allura--”_

“Relax, Shiro. I wouldn’t do that to you,” Allura said.

Shiro had a hard time believing that.

The doorbell ringing had Shiro jumping out of his skin. Straightening out his jacket, Shiro took a deep breath. “Okay, you… already know what to do and I’ll be back by--”

“Shiro, you’re a grown man. Stay out as late as you want. It’s not like I don’t have my own bedroom,” Allura interrupted, smiling. “Enjoy and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Allura!”

She laughed and Shiro rolled his eyes, making his way to the front door. Each step felt like a pound was being set on his shoulders. The door seemed further away from him than he expected. Shiro stops before he crashed into it. It wouldn’t be good to start this date by embarrassing himself.

Another deep breath and Shiro opened the door.

Keith took his breath away like he just punched Shiro in the stomach. It was just a simple button down shirt and pants, but there it was. He didn’t need to breathe, anyway.

“I’m not late, am I?” Keith joked. His smile kept Shiro from breathing.

When he does, Shiro inhaled deeply. “You’re not. You’re right on time, actually.”

“Good.”

Keith looked over his shoulder and Shiro followed his gaze. Pidge and Allura were looking at him from the hallway. Their smiles were devious and Shiro wished he could close the door to separate them. That would be rude, though.

“Hey, Pidge. How are you today?” Keith asked.

“I’m good, thank you,” Pidge answered. She giggled, her cheeks turning red. “Take good care of Shiro!”

“Don’t worry. I will.”

“Okay, time to go.” Shiro quickly stepped out of the house, closing the door behind him. A long exhale and he felt the tension leave his shoulders. “I’m sorry about her.”

“Don’t be. I like that she’s so playful with you,” Keith said. “She sees you as a big brother, you know.” He stopped at Shiro’s car, shoving his hands in his pockets. “She’ll talk about you for hours and about how she admires you so much. From the way she talks, she sounds like she wants to be like you.”

If Shiro wasn’t blushing before, he was now. He covered his face as he made his way around to the driver's side. “Does she now?” At Keith’s nod, he groaned. “She’s a sweet kid. My life would probably be a lot different if I didn’t have her with me.”

“I think it’s the same for her,” Keith responded, slipping into the car. He turned to face him a bit better, smiling. “So, are you ready for our dinner?”

And Shiro was.

It was an enjoyable date, one that had Shiro smiling all throughout it. The restaurant wasn’t too fancy, so he didn’t feel uncomfortable. Conversations passed between them with speed. There were mentions of Shiro’s major and Keith talked about his. Keith didn’t talk much about his life in Thace’s home or what his life was like before he was adopted. Shiro didn't push for it. When, and if, Keith was ready, he could tell him.

After dinner, a walk in the park followed next.

It made Shiro feel giddy that their date had such a simple element to it. He didn’t need much, dinner and this walk was more than enough. They were quiet and didn’t need to talk much. There was no need for words at the moment and Shiro was okay with it. Shiro was just glad to spend some time with Keith after weeks of being avoided.

For a brief moment, things seemed perfect. Life before the war is what Shiro felt that he was living in right.

Fireworks popped nearby and things went south.

Shiro pushed Keith to the ground, laying flat over him.

He was back there again.

Back in the town that was burning brighter than a forest fire. The pain in his arm was too real like a hot knife cutting through him, shots firing over his head. There was only one thing on his mind. Where’s Matt? Where is he?

Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, _Matt_ , _Matt_ , _Matt_ , **_Matt_**.

It was a bloody sight that he saw, how Matt’s body was crumbled and pinned down. His lips moved, but it was not his voice that he heard.

“Shiro!”

Shiro blinked and he was back in the present.

Keith stared down at him with a concerned look. Just over his shoulders, he could make out the shapes of other people watching them. What must be going through their heads, Shiro wondered. Hell, what was going through _Keith’s_ head right now as he stared down at him.

Shiro brought up a shaky hand to his face and covered his eyes. He bit back the sob that was trying to force its way out. His throat burned at the attempt but he fought on, wanting to at least win this war inside himself.

“I’m sorry…” Shiro choked out. The one thing he couldn’t stop was the tears spilling out from between his eyelids.

Keith hushed him, rubbing his hand on his arm. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

Keith was the one that drove them home. Shiro remained hunched over in the passenger seat, silent sobs racking his body. It was a moment of weakness he hoped that no one had to see. The car stopped and shut off but they remained in the car. Keith was quiet, saying nothing but Shiro could feel his gaze on him.

Shiro was afraid to see what that look was, afraid to see that all Keith saw was a broken man.

Because that was what Shiro was now. He had been broken and put together, but things didn’t fit right and hadn’t since the explosion. He felt like a puzzle that had over 1000 pieces and was a picture of the sky and ocean.

Numerous attempts had been made to try and piece the puzzle together, but all of them had failed. Either too many pieces were missing or others didn’t fit right. When the pieces didn’t fit, they would jam them in, smashing the side of their fist against the piece to _make_ it, damaging them even more.

Shiro took a deep breath and sat upright. He kept his eyes trained on the visor, refusing to look at Keith. “I’m sorry about today…” He didn’t feel the slightest bit calm or okay.

“It’s fine, Shiro,” Keith assured, shaking his head.

Keith insisted on walking him to the door. They lingered outside it, saying nothing to each other for some time.

“I had a good time tonight,” Keith finally said.

Shiro’s smile was bitter, more towards himself than what he believed was a lie from Keith. “Yeah, if you enjoy taking care of a PTSD ridden man.”

Shiro felt that way even when he did it to Allura, but it felt worse with Keith. It felt like he unloaded his baggage too soon and let Keith see what was inside it. Allura at least _knew_ Shiro from the time gone by. She welcomed him with opened arms and he collapsed in them the moment he could, Pidge held tightly in his arms.

He was taken out of his self-pity party when Keith slammed him against the door, arms blocking him from going anywhere else. It was almost comical to see a shorter and less muscular man keeping him from moving, but it has its effect. Shiro had no plans on moving from his spot and his knees were growing weak with how Keith was looking at him with such a smoldering gaze.

Everything fell away once again, Shiro’s heart thrashing around in his chest.

“Only if that man is you,” Keith whispered

The door was the only thing that supported Shiro’s weight when Keith rose up to kiss him. Fire was all he felt and for once it felt _good_. Shiro’s fingers curled in Keith’s hair as his bionic arm wraps around his waist, pulling him in closer. Shiro could feel Keith trying to climb him and, _s_ _hit_  he wanted him to.

Even if they were out in public, even if they were exposed for everyone to see them, Shiro didn’t _care_. Their hips ground against each other and moans spilled out of Keith’s mouth into his. He eagerly swallowed them, pressing further into the kiss.

When they pulled apart, Shiro wanted nothing more than to go back in for more. Keith’s kiss-swollen lips were enticing and drew him in for another open mouth kiss. It only lasted for five seconds when Shiro felt something was off. As much as he wouldn’t care if someone was watching them, this didn’t feel right.

He pulled away and looked to his window, and his face instantly flushed red the moment he did. Allura and Pidge were at the window, grinning and smiling at him. They pushed apart, Keith already straightening out his outfit.

“Ah, I should, um, go…” Keith whispered, trying to fix his hair.

“T-that’s fine. I’ll see you around, right?” Shiro asked. His hand skimmed along the door, trying to find that blasted handle.

“Yeah, you will,” Keith assured, and he was wearing that devilish grin that had Shiro’s knees going weak again.

Shiro stumbled into the house, nearly tripping over the welcome mat. He closed and leaned against it, sighing softly. His heart hadn’t stopped beating like a drum and his face was still burning hot--and it wasn’t from being watched. Pidge and Allura were still looking at him, grins burning holes through him. He frowned, his glare fixed more on Allura than Pidge.

“Way to let Pidge see something PG-13, Allura.”

Allura laughed. “Oh, come now, Shiro. You know I would never do anything like that. She’s a ninja, you know. I didn’t even hear her coming!”

“Nice try. You’re not getting out of this one.”

“Quiznak.”

* * *

“You can’t be mad at me forever, Shiro.”

Silence.

“Shiro, you’re making Pidge sad.”

He looked over at Pidge and watched her play around with her breakfast. “She looks fine.”

“You’re talking to me now.”

 _Shit_. “You’re still not off the hook for what happened last night,” Shiro answered, tapping his finger on the table.

“Oh, come on now,” Allura said just before a knock comes from the door to the backyard.

Keith waved and it shouldn’t make Shiro blush, but he did. Pidge clapped her hands and hurried out of her seat, crawling under the table. She opened the door and lets Keith pick her up.

"You came over!” Pidge exclaimed, hugging Keith’s neck.

“Yeah, I did. I told you I would, didn’t I?” Keith said, pressing their cheeks together. He didn’t seem to mind the sticky residue of maple syrup on Pidge’s cheek.

Shiro stood up and ran his fingers through his hair. This wasn’t the best time to check his appearance. “H-hey. Why are you over here so early?”

For a moment, Keith looked confused. “To babysit Pidge while you go to work?”

Crud. Shiro forgot that Keith used to babysit for him. It had been a while since he had last done it, after all. “Actually, I took a sick day. Pidge and I were just going to stay in our PJ’s and watch as many G-rated horror movies that we can.”

“Like King Kong!”

“Yes, Pidge, like King Kong.”

Keith bit his lip as he smiled and Shiro felt faint. “Do you mind if I join you?”

“Yeah!” Pidge answered without waiting.

“I’ll just go ahead and leave then,” Allura said with a smile towards them. “Call me if you need me, Shiro. Bye.”

Shiro actually wanted to rush Allura out of his home. He didn’t, though, and only walked her to the door. She whispered something crude to him and he made a note to get back at her for it. Walking back to the kitchen, Keith and Pidge already had the dishes in the sink and started to wash them.

“You don’t have to--” Shiro started.

“We got it, Shiro,” Pidge announced as she pushed a chair closer to the sink.

“Go on ahead and set up the movie,” Keith said. “We’ll be there soon.”

A warmth spread throughout Shiro. Right here was a picture perfect moment, something straight out of an old-timey movie. The kind of movie where two parents raised their child in a small town together, where everyone knew everyone. It felt _right_ and Shiro couldn’t recall feeling like this before.

Shiro stepped back from the kitchen and into the living room. His mind played scenario in his head. How things would be if Keith _did_ live with him or if they were marri--

“Everything ready, Shiro?” Pidge asked, climbing onto his back. “Hey, the movie’s not in yet.”

“Sorry, Pidge. Go sit with Keith. I’m almost done.”

Shiro watched out of the corner of his eye as Pidge crawled onto the couch and sat in Keith’s lap. Putting the movie in, he stepped back and sat beside them. He was far from being subtle when he draped his arm across Keith’s shoulders. They were past the point of subtlety after last night.

And there went Shiro’s breath when Keith leaned into him, resting his head on his shoulder. He took a deep breath as he moved his hand to rub at Keith’s bicep. This felt way nicer than he expected it would feel, right and special. Pressing his cheek against the top of Keith’s, one thing was for certain:

Shiro was _so_ in _love_.

* * *

_Thrashing on the table wasn’t doing anything to free him. Shiro smashing his head against it wasn’t helping him, either. There were hopes of being knocked out, but the bigger hope was that they would let him go if he continued to be uncooperative._

_Because only one word was repeating in his head:_

_Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt._

_“Let me go!” Shiro shouted, muscles straining against the straps binding him. “I have to get him!”_

_“Calm down, Shirogane!” a doctor demanded, grabbing him by his shoulders._

_“He’s still out there! I have to--” A wooden stick was shoved between his teeth. Pushing it out with his tongue yielded no results. They only pushed it further back in. All his shouts were muffled. Not like they were listening, anyway._

_They really_ _didn't listen when he screamed as they amputated his arm that had grown purple. The saw cut through muscle and bone and for once Shiro cried during the war. He wasn't crying from only losing his arm, but for all he had lost during the war. His friends, Commander Iverson, Matt._

 

Shiro fell off the couch when he woke up. The floor felt cool and he didn’t want to get up. On the couch, Keith and Pidge were still sleeping, unaware of Shiro falling away from them. Even watching them like this didn’t give him a sense of peace.

He shut the TV off, cutting off the song to the movie they were watching. Standing up, Shiro walked to the bathroom. The lights made his skin look ashy and sick. Staring in the mirror just made him cringe. The bags under his eyes were starting to become more noticeable, the scar slashing across his nose more prominent, white bangs a stark comparison to his black hair. Too often he forgot they were even there. It was his arm that he found people staring at more than his face.

It was too much to look at.

Too much after his dream.

He didn’t notice that he broke the mirror until the shards clattered into the sink.

Shiro cursed under his breath and hunched over it. Matt’s voice was bouncing around in his head, the last request ever spoken to him, the words he used on his last breath. He dry heaved, shoulders shaking with exertion. Why did he have to be this way?

“Shiro?”

He looked up and attempted to look through the broken shards at who was there. Keith stared at him with a sad look that looked far more distorted that it should.

Not right now.

Shiro didn’t want Keith to see him. He buried his face in his hands and his shoulders shook. He couldn’t ask him to go away. Something told him that Keith wouldn’t listen to him, but he had to try. Keith didn’t need to turn his gaze on someone like Shiro.

“Keith, please…” Shiro pleaded, his voice shaking. “I don’t… I don’t want you to see me like this again…”

Just as he predicted, Keith didn’t leave. The door closed behind him and he knew that he was still around.

“Please look at me, Shiro,” Keith said.

No, he couldn’t. Shiro just _couldn’t_. “Keith--”

A weight pressed against his back. Shiro’s body froze and his breathing stopped.

He didn’t know what to do. Everything else felt numb, but he could still feel Keith. Shiro could feel him press his face against his back, his hair tickling the nape of his neck. Keith wrapped his arms around his waist and Shiro felt _safe_. His hands shook as he held onto Keith’s arms. His breathing eventually evened and he swallowed around the lump in his throat.

Shiro struggled to turn in Keith’s grip until they were facing each other. Keith pressed his face further into his chest and took a deep breath. He was so kind and patient. Right now, Keith was the most amazing person that Shiro knew.

“I’m sorry,” Shiro whispered in his hair. “I’m sorry… You… you deserve better than me.”

Keith looked up at him and there was so much emotion in his eyes. His hands wandered his body, fingers able to seek out the various flaws of Shiro’s body. Fingertips traced over scars through his shirt and danced over his bionic arm until he could cup his face. Keith’s thumb stroked the scar over his nose and he moved his hands further up and into his hair.

Shiro hadn’t let anyone do this to him. Before Keith it was Allura and before her it was Pidge. Two people that he trusted and cared about that wanted to see what Shiro had become. They deserved to know, and so did Keith. His reaction to him was going better than Shiro expected. He was _actually_ okay with him looking and _being_ this way.

Their lips pressed together and Shiro didn’t waste time wrapping his arms around Keith’s waist. He pushed into him and Keith pushed back, mouths opening and tongues dancing together. Too often Keith had taken Shiro’s breath away. To hear him gasping and whimpering against his mouth fueled a fire deep inside him. He felt Keith’s fingers dance along the back of his head and bury in his hair.

“Keith…” Shiro muttered against his lips.

“I’ve liked you even before all this,” Keith whispered. Shiro pulled away, his brow furrowed as he stared down at him. “When you came to get Pidge months ago. I think that’s the _exact_ moment I knew I liked you. Why else would I jump in at the chance to babysit Pidge and see you so often?”

Shiro snorted, but he was charmed by what Keith had told him. “That long ago?”

“Lance and Hunk laughed at me from how long I stared at your ass when you walked away,” Keith admitted.

_“Keith--”_

Keith pulled him back down for another kiss.

Shiro didn’t want it to end. He wanted to consume Keith in every way possible.

Because this felt wonderful and _Shiro_ felt wonderful. Keith’s body was pressed against his own and their lips locked in a kiss. The puzzle picture he saw himself as had never been clearer and, for once, he could see that the pieces fit just right.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had the idea since I saw a comic on twitter of Shiro is looking for Pidge and it turned out Keith had found her. Comic is [here](https://twitter.com/mycynosure/status/759791134210043905) and the headcanons that started it all are [here](https://twitter.com/nonixnil/status/759599948912533504).
> 
> I didn't have to kill Matt this way, I didn't have to hurt Shiro like this, but I did and I'm not sorry. My sister called me evil. I'm okay with that. Maybe I'll do a sequel to this one that dives more in their relationship? I don't know. It's 6:37 AM. I'm tired. OTL


End file.
